Maybe you’ve found yourself comparing your child’s academic success to your friend’s children’s progress. Accepting your child as an individual in all ways, including the rate at which he or she learns, helps prevent comparing with others. Allowing our children to develop at their own pace is one of the beautiful benefits of home education.
Perhaps you compare yourself to other homeschool moms. Maybe you feel inadequate because you aren't the game-playing or messy-projects mom. I played games with my children when they were preschool age, but once they could all play together, I rarely played board games with them. And messy projects? Those were fine, as long as they were done outside or in the garage. Each one of us has our own special gifts and inclinations, and that includes how you prefer to homeschool. Just be yourself. God factored in your personality and style when He called you to teach your children at home.
After we had been homeschooling for a few years, as I got to know other homeschoolers, I began to compare my situation at home to others’ situations. It was subtle. I did not realize that I was indulging in comparison for quite a while. The comparison of my husband being away from home for work two or three nights a week turned into an unrealistic expectation. I thought I needed a homeschooling friend with similar circumstances so that she could relate to my situation with empathy.
I did have a few homeschooling friends whose husbands traveled occasionally. But that was different than the weekly grind that I experienced. Please understand; I did not wish that my husband’s employment situation would change. My husband enjoyed his job, he was good at it, and it provided for our family so that I could stay home. It wasn’t that I was discontent with Brian’s job. Rather, I wished that I had a girlfriend who really understood my situation. The only friend who had similar circumstances, and therefore could relate, lived far away and was busy homeschooling her children. It’s not like we could meet at the park and grab snippets of adult conversation once a week. We were doing well to exchange letters once in a while and arrange for visits every two or three years. But this long-distance friendship did not fulfill my longing for a local friend with whom to share common challenges.
Comparing ourselves to others is always a trap. It can lead either to pride or insecurity. Couple that with unrealistic expectations, and disappointment is sure to follow. When seeking the Lord with my longing for a perfectly understanding friend, I realized that comparison is not fair because each family is unique with its own dynamics and culture. He helped me quit looking for someone who would totally understand my circumstances by showing me that my life situation was unique. Christ understood it because He created it. The Lord’s understanding was enough. I needed to develop contentment. As a young mother, I was learning to be grateful for our family’s particular dynamics and circumstances. Letting go of comparison freed me to practice gratitude and contentment.
I leave you with a photo of a white Oleander, a beautiful and tough shrub used in landscaping in Arizona. It also comes in pink and crimson varieties.